Stone Levi: Four Weeks Old (HELP!)

had a nice quiet Christmas at home this year. we usually go hiking Christmas morning, but with intense wind and 30 degree temps, we opted for a nap in the living room instead. they say things change with a baby, and I’m ok with that!

our little man is giving us a run for our money. he is an amazing little eater – loves all the milk. he’s already 8lbs 7oz (birth weight was 5lbs 15oz!!) but if I had a nickel for every time he spits up what seems like a cup of milk after i nurse him, i’d have at least a dollar. Point is: I NEED HELP. I’m not proud of how frustrated I get after a feeding: he’ll nurse for a nice long stretch and do great, and the next thing I know, milk is flowing (I mean steadily flowing) out of his mouth. WHAT DO I DO?! I’ve talked to my nurse; she said to make sure his head is above his stomach and to burp him and then keep him upright for 30 minutes after each feeding. Done. Do that. I do that every time. Doesn’t help. We bought gripe water – tried it twice, hasn’t seemed to help. Whether he spits up immediately after a feeding or randomly 30 minutes later, it’s so defeating. I’m so defeated.

If you have any advice, I’m desperate. Absolutely desperate. I often lose it when I see the milk flowing out of his mouth. Tears flow down my cheeks. I just want him to be happy and full of milk. And he doesn’t cry when he spits up, fyi. He usually doesn’t mind it one bit. He’ll also get hiccups 9 times out of 10 after a longer feeding, which I’m sure means air is coming in somehow. I’m sure there’s a simple solution. Or maybe there’s NOT. and if there’s not, please break the news to me gently. This mama is begging for help.

Happy four weeks buddy. We love you and just want you to be happy. I’ll do whatever it takes. xo

falling.

fourth grade was quite a transition for me.

i needed glasses, and i chose the biggest frame possible.

i wanted short hair. like boy-short hair. & i got exactly what i wanted.

i was selected to be in a.i.a. couldn’t tell you what that stands for today, but it was like honors for elementary school.

i was a four-eyed, boyish-looking smarty pants, and i ruled the fourth grade pod.

every year we had a festival at church. it was called autumnfest & i freakin’ loved it.

it was tradition that my dad, bro & i would head up to western md to pick apples for the fest. it was my favorite part for a couple reasons. a) i skipped school b) that was really the only reason.

so autumnfest begins. i run around like a crazy person.

check out all the quilts.

buy every baked good i can with my pocket full of change.

jam out to the banjo player in the field.

jump from hay bail to hay bail as i sing along.

as i jumped in the air to the next hay bail, i missed my footing and BAM, fell to the ground.

shocked, i laid there. i didn’t feel any pain but i did get mighty embarrassed.

my pastor ran over to me asked if i was okay. don’t remember what i said, but i did use his assistance to get up off the ground.

i see my dad & start bawling. couldn’t help it.

we head to the hospital & turns out i broke my elbow. my right elbow.

i went with the standard cast color: hot pink. i had all the nurse staff sign my cast, bc helloooo this is the coolest thing EVER.

the rest of my fourth grade career consisted of me taking every school pic with a hot pink cast & the most awful handwriting you can imagine. what a transition.

last week i fell while i was running.

it was a classic case of adrenaline, excitement, not paying attention & poor architecture.

banged up both knees & gained some serious perspective.

first – friends are awesome. especially the friends that will laugh & cry with you as you curse the sidewalk & say a few other choice words in pain & shock.

second – random strangers who stop to help even in their busy lives. they show so much compassion it’s crazy. i wanna be like that. why am i not like that?

third – i’m not invincible. i can do everything right, plan everything out, think every last detail out, & i can still get hurt.

fourth – i’m not in control. i think i am, but i’m not.

fifth – i’ve gotta be okay with laughing at myself. i’m ridiculous & that’s okay. i face planted in front of what felt like an entire city. really, it was only like 10-15 people, but who cares? it was hilarious. just laugh.

i’m still nursing my baby knees back to health. maybe i’ll get a sweet scar out of it.

so, wherever you are, be all there.

i’m know exactly what that means, but good grief that’s hard when you aren’t where you wanna be.

i’m gonna chose to be all there. i’ll run, i’ll dance, i’ll sing, i’ll be all there. i’ll laugh when all i really wanna do is crawl away in defeat.

#crazy