bird poop

so i noticed this morning my car is victim to much a bird poop. gross i know.

but that means that spring is here, y’all.

yesterday was the first true warm day in a while and it felt amazing.

birds invaded the front yard. we leaf blowed the front yard on sunday, unveiling a yard full of untouched goodness. birds spent the day picking and flying; flying and picking — new life, new breath.

i’m doing better – i’m thankful for grief and sorrow. i’m thankful this is not our home. i’m thankful for community. for true community. not just holidays with presents and food, but community – where you have the same outlook on life, the same beliefs, you understand each other and you love each other through the mess.

and it is messy. life is one big pile of mess. sin. are we surprised? is this another flaw of us? that we truly believe life should be without mess? did we think we’d live this life unscathed? no. and i’m thankful i’m learning this at 28 years old. because i know some of you have felt unbearable pain before you were 16 years old, before you were 10 years old. some of you stay in a constant state of pain.

but there is hope. and you need only accept the hope. let it soak into your heart. believe in something bigger than you. it’s scary at first, but what do you have to lose? honestly? is life going your way with YOU in control? like, have you honestly figured it all out?

no. don’t kid yourself.

so why did i wake up this morning at start this blog post? because i like looking back at my honest thoughts. it’s humbling to be real with strangers on the internet, sure. but it’s more about the freedom i feel when i’m honest with myself.

the sunrise was a painting this morning. heaven and earth met with strokes of cloud beauty. this week i will focus on beyond this life. i will feel each and every moment with an eternal perspective. xo thanks for reading.

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lately

lately, i’ve been in the winter funk and ain’t nobody gonna change that. i’ve been trying though – really trying to be grateful through this season. it happens every year, so i really shouldn’t surprised. my husband? well, he’s learning. i keep telling him: “you married me. all of me. even this season of me.”

he’s so sweet and reminds me that “yes, he did marry me.”

this kinda stuff just doesn’t phase him.

god knew i need a man unfazed by my craziness. ha. that made me laugh. bc it’s so true.

here are some pictures from last weekend. not sure the reputation maryland has throughout the country (or even the world!) but we are basically a four-season kinda state with water & woods everywhere you turn. i love it here. it’s so dang beautiful. enjoy!

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rachy gets married!

i’ve had the privilege of being friends with rachael since we were in elementary school. she has been apart of the biggest milestones in my life & i’m forever grateful for her friendship.

& she got married last weekend! to the love of her life, pat. it was a classically BEAUTIFUL wedding. i hope you enjoy the pictures, although they do not do it justice.

this was smack dab in the middle of classic southern maryland, surrounded by the patuxent river with an elegant barn setting. rach is actually the first person to have her wedding on this property – & she absolutely nailed it.

being that my wedding is 8 days away, i was in hyper soon-to-be bride mode, taking notes & watching how she did things. my favorite part was seeing how supportive her family & pat’s family were. they were so willing to help & never wanted rachael to stress about a thing. it was beautiful to watch.

#bakerorbust2015

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so happy for rach & pat!! ❤ can we all agree that rach was the most beautiful bride ever?

ps: if there is one picture i regret not getting, it’s the picture of her jimmy choo’s. what kinda blogger am i?! ugh. they were magical.

 

all photos are mine & were taken on my iPhone 6s.

location: cage farms; st. leonard, maryland

rachael’s dress: alfred angelo

bridemaids dresses: alfred angelo

why i get anxiety twice a year.

the dentist.

i only go twice a year, but it seems the older i get, the more i dread it.

i walk into the office & before i even sit down, i silence my cell phone & don’t dare take it out of my purse as to follow the directions on the laminated sign. i see you, sign. i’m not ignoring you. while i’m sitting in the waiting room, i read gossip magazines like it’s something i do daily. i smile at the kids playing in the corner. i act like a very mature adult. but in reality, reality is i’m hating life.

then they call my name. i smile, acting like this is normal & i’m looking forward to the next 30 minutes.

i’m polite, i answer medical history questions with ease, i try to cause absolutely no ruckus as to not bring attention to myself.

then they start “tool time” as i like to call it. brand-new metal tools fresh outta the plastic bag – which i notice, of course. i notice everything. mainly because I’M FREAKING OUT.

then it begins: the precious time where i’m not able to talk or defend my teeth, while people poke & scrap & JUDGE.

they can’t help themselves. and i can’t help but wait for their judgement.

i turn into a very codependent person at the dentist. more than i already am [let’s be real]. i crave approval about my teeth. it’s like the adult-version of getting my report card.

i don’t like the person i become in that dentist office. i stare at the light above my head & start thinking about all my cavity-free years & i envy those days.

i literally sat there today & started panicking about the next twenty years. it was so overwhelming. i started making new year’s resolutions right there in that chair. i vowed to myself to brush my teeth four times a day & floss after every meal & even BEFORE every meal. i vowed to use mouth wash for five minutes straight, even if it starts to burn & i start to choke. my teeth are at the top of my priority list . . . at least for those daunting 30 minutes.

am i the only one? all i want is a good dentist report card. i want these strangers to approve of my pearly whites.

today’s report card : A+

photo(17)no cavities, just some plaque.

luckily, i won’t have to endure this dentist-induced anxiety for another six months.

until then, i shall now google what the heck plaque is & how i can avoid it . . .

photo(16)tonight’s pretty sunset.

i don’t hate life anymore, ps btw.

having it all.

God reminds us,

I heard your call in the nick of time; the day you needed me, I was there to help.

photo 1well, now is the right time to listen, the day to be helped.

don’t put it off; don’t frustrate God’s work by showing up late, throwing a question mark over everything we’re doing.

our work as God’s servants gets validated—or not—in the details.

people are watching us as we stay at our post, alertly, unswervingly . . .

photo 5in hard times,

tough times,

photo 3bad times;

when we’re beaten up;

photo 1with pure heart,

clear head,

steady hand;

photo 2in gentleness,

holiness,

& honest love;

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when we’re telling the truth, & when God’s showing His power;

when we’re doing our best setting things right;

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when we’re praised & when we’re blamed;

slandered & honored;

true to our word, though distrusted;

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ignored by the world, but recognized by God;

terrifically alive, though rumored to be dead;

beaten within an inch of our lives, but refusing to die;

photo 4immersed in tears, yet always filled with deep joy;

photo 1living on handouts, yet enriching many;

photo 2having nothing, having it all.

photo 22 corinthians 6:1-10

amen.

backyard wedding bliss.

if i could bottle up everything about this reception, i would. i absolutely would.

soak in the beauty. all photos taken with my trusty iphone.

ps: this is part two of a two-part wedding recap. check out the AMAZING ceremony here.

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a few fun facts about the reception:

– brooke did ALL the flowers. ridiculous right? smart AND talented. it’s her happy spot, she says. her inspiration: fall field flowers, anything that had a soft blush-like color & INEXPENSIVE. perfect.

– brooke had a very limited budget & she wanted to spend it on her two favorite things: music & decorations.

– dinner was a POTLUCK! brilliant. people either brought a salad or a side & she provided the meat.

– brian made all the reception tables . . . from scratch. such a special touch & very backyard-looking. loved that they looked rustic & handmade.

– with lots of help from her kids & ahna, brooke made all her centerpieces. i die a little every time i look at them. so simple, elegant & beautiful.

– brooke bought the silverware & believe bows from etsy. her hope is that her daughters can use them one day at their weddings. precious.

– all the milk glass jars were from Accent Decor.

– all the plates belonged to her parents. they’ve been in the family for a while. i love love love the little things about this wedding. & i loved how the plates didn’t match.

– which brings me to the CHAIRS. THE CHAIRS. brooke didn’t want to spend lots of money on renting matching chairs so she went to the thrift store & hit the jackpot on mix-matched chairs. however, she couldn’t afford to buy them all, so she made a deal with the store & asked to RENT the chairs: $1/chair. if you look closely at the pictures, you’ll see the price tags hanging from most of them. what a smart idea. ugh. loved it. i honestly wanted to buy a few right then & there!

– fireworks were set off during brooke & brian’s first dance. it was magical.

– brooke’s parents own potts point – the most gorgeous backdrop ever for a perfect southern maryland reception.

the end. my dream wedding has come to life & i’m so thankful to have been a part of such a sweet little love story.

here’s to you, brookie & brian.

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brooke is the definition of design; check out her portfolio here.

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